“Let's Create Positive Change” is the slogan for this year's Bell Let’s Talk Day, and that’s exactly what a Brock University researcher is trying to do in an under-researched area of mental health: perfectionism in young people.
Danielle Sirianni Molnar, associate professor of child and youth studies, is exploring how perfectionism is related to mental and physical health and well-being in adolescents, parents and educators.
In a study with 46 youth, Sirianni Molnar was able to hear young people describe their experiences with perfectionism. “It’s not that they want to be perfect, but it is a compulsion, an absolute need. Often people think young perfectionists just want excellent grades, but these students were really clear that they absolutely have to be perfect at all times. Some described it as an angry voice in their head.”
Perfectionism is not a diagnosis, but, according to Sirianni Molnar, clinicians and researchers have come to recognize perfectionistic tendencies as a part of other disorders, such as depression and anxiety. Also, “there are links and overlap between obsessive compulsive disorder and perfectionism,” said Sirianni Molnar.
What can parents look for? “Watch for the perfect mask where the youth wants everyone to think that they have it all together when underneath there is a struggle.” Sirianni Molnar continues, “Some young people will exhibit worry about making mistakes, especially in front of other people and act like it’s the end of the world and “everyone is going to think I am stupid.’”
Other markers may be fear, for example, when a young person won’t take risks for fear of failure, they often think “‘unless I know I can do it perfectly, I don’t want to risk it,’” said Sirianni Molnar. She found that in her study with educators, teachers identified perfectionists as high achievers, but also procrastinators. “They’re afraid of handing in anything less than perfect.” Other signs may include rigidity in an approach to an assignment or task, an unreasonable emphasis on organization, and the feeling of social disconnection.
“A lot of research has shown that perfectionism is associated with higher levels of depression and anxiety, but the physical health aspect has fascinated me for some time," said Sirianni Molnar. “A lot of young people experience physical health problems which can range from getting ill more often to immune system functions getting eroded by chronic high levels of stress.”
Sirianni Molnar is quick to indicate that parents or educators are not to blame. They have good intentions, however, “parental expectations and criticism can be one factor that attributes to a young person feeling as if they need to become perfect.”
Acceptance to post-secondary institutions and scholarships are tied to marks, said Sirianni Molnar, and sometimes what happens is young people interpret this as parents “expect perfection. I can’t mess up or my future is not going to be what I want it to be.’” Also, some youth in Sirianni Molnar’s study indicated that they realize life has been hard and if they perform well, it will take the worry and stress off of parents.
Educators may also have a role.
“Kids get praised quite a bit for a successful moment but that praise may be lacking when things don’t go as planned and kids can interpret that as ‘oh, the acceptance and the love and the belonging is contingent on me performing at this level.’”
Sirianni Molnar recommends that adults help young people to understand that they have many options and that there are several different pathways towards their goals. “The pathway isn’t linear. Expect barriers and setbacks.”
Youth can have “self-compassion, self-kindness and should take into account the broader picture, because society has changed rapidly. Give yourself room to breathe and accept that. Appreciate the world that you're in, and all that you’ve dealt with. Take time to grieve some of your losses too,” said Sirianni Molnar. In the past few years youth have missed graduation, have had to learn online or in hybrid models, and been subjected to lockdowns. “Give yourself a pat on the back.”
Mental health support is available in the region. The Pathstone walk-in clinic has re-opened at the Pen Centre, and the Pathstone Crisis Support Line, an intervention service providing immediate telephone counselling, operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week for children and youth up to the age of 18 and their families. The Crisis Support Line phone number is 1-800-263-4944.
