Before we get into another article about this much over-written topic, I wish to ask a question. Let’s suppose that a vehicle from outer space piloted by a few aliens hovered over a golf course for a few moments. After recording what they saw, they returned to their planet and tried to explain those observations to their fellow extraterrestrials. What might they then think about the supposedly intelligent species on the planet Earth?
They would explain that these neighbours of the universe use a variety of clubs on a fairway to beat on a tiny white orb until it finds refuge in a tiny hole on a surface called a green and then shout “bogie!”
In some cases the lavishly outfitted beings, after hitting the little white thing only a few meters, would throw the club down the fairway and beyond the little orb. Their fellow beings would find much humour in this peculiar display of human behaviour.
Now remember, in earlier exploratory visits to planet Earth these inhabitants were adjudged to be intelligent beings of the homo sapiens species.
Well, I have to admit I was one of those beings who displayed some such behaviours over the course of many years. I have observed many indescribable behaviours and heard language not fit to print in this family oriented medium. One of my friendly partners could use that nastiest of swear words in every possible linguistic context in the English language and then some. I have rarely if ever heard such outrageous manipulations of that infamous word. And, I covertly recall, his golfing talents were far below his adroitness with cursing.
During my years on the golf course I have heard an almost endless list of excuses to justify bad shots. Wind, golf club grips, seagulls, grass, indigestion, mud on the ball, brand of ball and golf cleats, and on and on and on have been used to rationalize poor golf shots. After observing thousands of swings never once do I recall a fellow golfer acknowledging that it was their lack of skill that caused the little white orb to hook, slice, rim, dub, or sink below the surface of the pond.
I do believe that the golfing industry loves bad shots. You see, the clubs are frequently to blame for bad rounds of golf and therefore need to be replaced by the newest designed technology promoted by golf club manufacturers. I have observed fellow golfers pay more for their drivers than the monthly mortgage payment on their house. They pay more for the head covers on their clubs than their monthly grocery bill.
Well I must admit that I was never a very good golfer and likely appeared often on the highlight reel of the aliens from space telecasts. I am saddened to have contributed to the universe’s worst golfer series rather than just the Earth’s poorest.
Well, it’s a new season and I have retired my old set of clubs fore-ever. My skill level doesn’t warrant continuing the embarrassment on the course. I will really miss the company of many of my fellow golfers and inevitably replaying the rounds over a cool one at the 19th hole.
