I hate to be the bearer of bad news but many of you may have been misguided by the spate of warm weather and have forgotten that, for many of us, our least-loved season is about to settle on us.
I watched many of you out walking these late October days wearing Bermuda shorts and Florida-themed tee tops and completely oblivious to the date on the calendar. And I am so sorry to awaken your delusional thinking about the oncoming misnamed great outdoors.
Something is very wrong with this weather pattern. Some climate experts are calling it global warming. I am so sorry to warn that we are surely going to pay for this current weather respite big time and very shortly. How do I know? My left knee is hurting and that has proven to be a more reliable forecaster than your local weatherperson. And here I am struggling to pay for my groceries while the weatherpersons are being paid big bucks for their guesswork and getting it wrong more than getting it right. By the way, what other occupation do you know of that gets paid even when their work output is wrong more than its right? I should have listened to my mother’s advice and became a weatherperson. Seems accuracy isn’t required but a big toothy grin is the primary job qualification.
There are some people who claim to somewhat like this coming forthcoming time period. The season I care not to honour by mentioning its name. After suffering through many years of mistreatment by that unmentionable season, some people have psyched themselves up and pretend to enjoy the likes of snow-shoeing, skiing, snow boarding and ice skating.
'I am so sorry to warn that we are surely going to pay for this current weather respite big time and very shortly'
Just think, even bears and other fauna know better. They wisely sit in their warm and comfortable dens and let this cruelest of seasons pass by as quickly as possible. Even birds with their tiny little brains know better than to sit around in this refrigerated zone and head south to warmer climes. Their human namesakes, called Snowbirds, wisely follow their example and avoid the cruelties meted out by this less than comfortable and most inhospitable period.
If you think this diatribe is unreasonably harsh and disparaging about this least-liked oncoming season just look at the faces of those people snow clearing their driveways and buried vehicles early in the morning before work. Do you think those folks look like happy people enjoying the joys and rewards this season has gifted them with? Really, are they comfortable needing to be clad in heavy outerwear, scarves, ear mugs, mitts and boots?
Well hopefully, each of you is enjoying this uncommon stretch of fair weather. It has been what ideal weather should be and truthfully, what my wonky left knee predicted.
Finally, I sincerely apologize for bringing some of you back to the reality of what is just around the corner weather-wise. Hopefully it doesn’t hang around to long long. Perhaps an early spring will quickly dispel the memories of the just-past season and replace the facial grimaces with the widest of grins.
And remember. In the next month or so, when a person passes by and gleefully wishes you “the best of the season,” they are not referring to the weather but rather the holiday.
