This is a tough one. To continue doing something you want to do, something which brings significant joy to your life, you will have to compromise your values—what you strongly believe in and who you think you are. Circumstances are changing; continuing on the same path will now come with distasteful strings and contrary choices attached. This is a moment when the challenge to “Be true to yourself” becomes real.
To say we’ve all experienced this moment of choice seems self-evident, but it isn’t accurate. Without a full understanding what is at stake, how choices which demand we forfeit being true to ourselves are so significant to our long-term well-being, the experience isn’t the same.
Current social media specialists would plead that today’s kids are caught in the need to please others, to be accepted and “friended,” long before they can begin to understand what is happening to them, and how they are being influenced. When young teens post photos and comments to purposely increase their likes and shares, are they aware they’ve made a choice that pleasing their peers is more important than expressing their own true thoughts and values?
Is this any different than young people sitting in a church or mosque, whether 500 years ago or today, and being told by those in authority that they must conform to others’ values and culture by living lives that will meet predetermined expectations rather than fulfill their own dreams?
As adults, we’ve hopefully become more aware of those times we actually have to make such personal choices. Yet, whether it might be at work or in a social setting, it’s often easier, and the benefits greater, to just go with the flow, to please those around us by re-enforcing their views, and to suppress our own contradictory beliefs. But are the benefits greater?
What does it mean to be true to oneself?
The Cambridge dictionary, perhaps still a source without bias or agenda, defines being true to yourself as, “Behaving according to your beliefs and doing what you think is right.” Each word is important. “Behaving” and “doing” are necessary; thought without action is incomplete. “Your beliefs” and “what you think is right” avoids value judgment. Your choices may be moral or amoral, honest or unethical. All that matters in being true to oneself is that they are yours.
How can you become more true to yourself?
Have a long, honest chat with yourself, and listen. Learn and confirm your core values, what is important to you, what makes you happy and fulfilled, where you want your life to take you, and know your personal limitations and vulnerabilities.
Understand that you are in charge, and your worth is intrinsic to you. Forget about what others think and how they might judge you. Validate yourself rather than seek external approvals or a life bound by society’s whims.
Trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. It is, after all, your intuition and your life that you are living, and you will bear the consequences; so stand by your decisions.
Evolve. Some of your values and beliefs may change with new information and experiences. Recognizing this and modifying positions and principles to align with a new self-understanding, even if it means abandoning long-held standards, is the right thing to do.
Know that you are unique, and respect your own abilities for their worth regardless of how they align with others’ opinions. Don’t be a people-pleaser—you don’t need external approval to make yourself happy.
Put your thoughts into actions. By expressing yourself honestly, and sharing what is important to you and how you feel in various situations and conversations, you will feel more self-respect and strengthen your conviction that you’re on the right track.
What are the advantages of being true to oneself?
Our best relationships, be they with friends, work, or family, are built on trust, honesty and integrity. The more we are true to ourselves, the more consistently our dealings with others will be formed on the same basis.
In a time of unrelenting advertising impressions and social opinions, the additional confidence generated by knowing who we are, that we’re being true to ourselves, allows us to cut through all the noise and distraction, reducing stress.
You are better able to make decisions and respond to criticism. Psychology Today asserts in a peer-reviewed article that, “High authenticity (being true to oneself) correlates with well-being, accuracy of perception, and improved functioning in all domains. Authenticity reflects a reduction in the perception of threat to self-image or self-feelings, diminishing stress loads.”
You can understand your motivations better. The ability to accurately differentiate between waiting for what feels right for you and thinking that you’re holding yourself back is significant to good decision making.
Is being true to yourself worth it?
That’s up to you of course, and the answer isn’t always straightforward.
Karen Marie Moning, a best-selling American author, once said, “The most confused we ever get is when we try to convince our heads of something we know in our hearts is a lie.”
There’s the rub. We are intellectual and emotional beings. To be true to ourselves, we must strive to satisfy both entities, even when they are conflicted.
Prioritizing our own self-interest doesn’t mean we can selfishly forget how our actions will impact others. Stating our feelings when they may hurt someone is difficult regardless of how important doing so might be. Not needing to please others is not the same as not wanting to please others. Is there anything wrong with a little white lie that makes another smile or laugh?
There is never a single answer or rule, always correct and to be followed blindly. Being true to oneself surely includes room for an occasional pinch of compromise. Our challenge is recognizing when to use it, and when to stand firm.
Good luck.
