Welcome to the first of what I hope will be many delicious adventures in cooking of all sorts, as we ramble, ramblingly, to all corners of the globe. Now, let me establish at the top that while I know what I’m doing in a kitchen, and it’s true that I worked as a sous chef many moons ago, my official kitchen career was enjoyable but short lived, a means to pay for university, not the first step toward running a Michelin-starred restaurant for the rich and infamous. In fact, the very notion of “fine dining” is repellent to me and my spouse, a grotesque example of conspicuous consumption, of ritualized performance demanding elitist knowledge of upper class (or wannabe upper class) customs.
My wife and family and I have eaten in every restaurant in Pelham at least once over the past several years, including the much-acclaimed Zest and its present successor. We finished these meals with significantly lighter wallets but no more satisfied than had we gone to an ordinary bistro. The same can be said for the various golf club restaurants. These are all businesses selling cliquish cos-play dining theatre. While the food is often good, it isn’t earth-shatteringly good, and the side dishes of snobbery and pretension are real appetite killers. Decent food, honestly cooked and served, is all we ask for. (On that score, this town lost a diamond-in-the-rough with the closing of Keith’s Restaurant.)
Cooking should be fun. Your time in the kitchen should provide a respite from your worries, not add to them. If you find cooking a drudgery, there will be little here that turns your frown upside down. But if a new recipe tickles your curiosity, whets your appetite for tasting the unknown or revisiting a classic, then you’re in the right place. Covid and the Ukraine war weighing on your mind? Cooking is great therapy. Also, when you cook you are never bored.
Recommended gear
We’ll assume that your pantry is stocked with the essentials—eggs, flour, sugar, common seasonings and spices, butter and cooking oil. There are two essential tools, and one highly recommended tool to add to your gear, however, if you don’t have them.
The first essential tool is a digital kitchen scale. These are now extremely affordable—there are at least ten models on Amazon for under $20. All recipes, but particularly in baking, depend on accurate ingredient measurement. Professional bakers do not measure flour by volume, but by weight. And different flours are measured differently. Get a scale!
The second essential tool is a digital kitchen thermometer. This makes it simple to know when a given dish is properly cooked, and not just meat dishes. It’s also useful for bread and other baked goods. Get the kind that has its probe at the end of a long cable, to make it easier to use and read than the all-in-one type. The ThermoPro TP16S Digital Meat Thermometer is $29 on Amazon. That’s what we use in our house. There’s no need to spend more.
The highly recommended tool is an electric stand mixer, the kind that grandma had, which modern manufacturers have fetishized through their retro model designs. A stand mixer, with its paddle, hook, and whisk attachments, will save you an enormous amount of time—not just in kneading bread doughs, but also in recipes such as this week’s—and save you considerable travail in treating carpal tunnel in both wrists a couple of years down the road. There is no need to raid the kids’ university fund to acquire a good value. An excellent model is the Cuisinart SM-50RC Precision Master, available on Amazon starting at $230 depending on colour. For whatever complex consumer psychology reason, blue is $235, red is $249, white is $399, and black is $499. Avoid the cheaper Chinese knock-offs, and don’t be lured into spending some crazy amount for an elite brand name. It just isn’t necessary for the home cook.
Sourcing
You’ll notice I mentioned Amazon three times above. I am all for shopping local when possible. I’m also a realist, and know what is and isn’t worth trying to buy locally. Canadian Tire carries stand mixers, for example, but their prices are at least $50 higher than found online. And do we really consider Canadian Tire a “local” store? What is the meaningful difference between dropping $299 on corporate giant Amazon and dropping $349 on corporate giant Canadian Tire—except that we are $50 poorer at the end.
That said, Zehrs on Niagara Street carries a decent range of kitchen hardware, including meat thermometers, although none that match the value of the model mentioned above. Beamer’s Hardware also carries a surprisingly good range of kitchenware, although as of last week not digital weigh scales, according to our fact-checking editor.
Of course when it comes to fresh ingredients, local is the only way to go. We shop at Zehrs (excellent produce and fish, with a decent meat department), Food Basics in Fonthill for bargains, and South Pelham Sobeys for sushi and certain sale items. FreshCo, on Lundy’s Lane, carries vegetables useful in Asian and Mexican cooking, and a good range of frozen vegetarian Indian snacks.
When top quality meat is paramount, we prefer Lemayzzz Meats, in Port Colborne, whose excellence is second to none, and far superior to the two local butchers—one of which is a categorical no-go anyway, for reasons obvious to those who have kept up with recent police news.
(On a related note, for reasons likewise evident to Pelham readers, we have not set foot in Fonthill Sobeys since shortly after Covid started, and have no intention to do so until there is a change of management. It’s a slightly farther drive to Zehrs or to South Pelham Sobeys, but a little extra gasoline expense is more than made up for by a clear conscience and sleeping easier at night.)
Right, then. On to our debut recipe.
Le Pain de Viande
The original version of this succulent meat dish first surfaced in a 1980s Los Angeles Times article about the Southern California restaurant that created it. Over the decades since it has been tinkered with by many, including by me, but has remained largely intact. It’s hard to best a masterpiece. While it’s generally preposterous to proclaim a single dish or recipe “the best”—something that social media cooks tiresomely excel at—when it comes to this classic staple of North American cooking, it’s a recipe that cruises in the stratosphere.
If your French is rusty, forgive the hypocritical indulgence in a little pomposity. Le Pain de Viande = Meatloaf. And this, fellow eaters, is among the most royal of meatloaves. It provides just the right blend of savoury and sweet, meat and a soffritto base, with a touch (or more) of peppery heat. With judicious use of cream and a secret ingredient, the loaf remains velvety moist.
Now there are those who dismiss meatloaf as merely a hamburger in brick form. Such people are silly, and have clearly never experienced the gustatory joy of a genuinely tasty meatloaf.
In that vicinity, incidentally, here’s another fundamental principle before we continue. We should not just enjoy cooking food, but enjoy eating it as well. Our meals should delight our senses, satisfy us deeply. Fat, salt, and sugar are particularly able to provoke such sensory satisfaction. We will not be shying away from employing them in our recipes. We only live once. Recall that Man For All Seasons:
Death comes for us all; even at our birth—even at our birth, death does but stand aside a little. And every day he looks towards us and muses somewhat to himself whether that day or the next he will draw nigh. It is the law of nature, and the will of God.
God or no god, none of us are getting out alive. So let’s live a little along the way—also bearing in mind the Greek poet’s dictum, moderation is best in all things.
(Did you know that bacon fat is actually lower in saturated fat, and higher in good monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, than butter? Butter contains 58 percent more saturated fat than bacon fat. See? It’s getting easier to eat tastier all the time.)
Where were we.
Right, magnificent meatloaves. Let’s first list some golden rules for any meatloaf:
▶︎ Do not include ground veal. It is essentially flavourless and quickly dries out. That grocery store pre-mix of beef, pork, and veal is a crime against the culinary.
▶︎ Do not use a water bath, i.e., a pan of simmering water on the bottom oven rack. This steamy principle works well in bread baking. It’s loony for ground meat that exudes its own moisture. And for goodness sake, you want a crispy crust.
▶︎ Do not use fresh bread crumbs, i.e., do not take slices of bread and whiz them in a blender. We need bone-dry, unseasoned, plain old breadcrumbs from the supermarket, the better to bind.
▶︎ For the most efficient portions and even doneness, use a loaf pan. Do not form your meatloaf on a flat baking sheet like it’s a sourdough baguette. It won’t cook as evenly, and slicing uniform portions is impossible. That said, the baguette method does result in the crispiest crust.
▶︎ Do add our secret ingredient: powdered gelatin. The resulting mouthfeel is luxurious, contributing an element of umami.
▶︎ Don’t forget to knead your mix. And I mean you really need to knead it. Look at most meatloaf recipes in recent years and you find alarmist warnings against kneading—we are practically ordered to avoid even looking directly at the meat, much less touching it with more than a tender caress. Know what this mollycoddling gets you? A delinquent crumbler! A meatloaf that turns into a Sloppy Joe the minute you try to slice it. Kneading is as important as the breadcrumbs and eggs in binding the ingredients, and ensuring that slices retain their shape off the knife. (And here’s a great chance to put your new paddle mixer to work.) ◆
Le Pain de Viande
Quantity: One large loaf, plus a small surplus for mini-meat-muffin snacks.
Prep plus cook time: 2-3 hours. Loaf may be pre-mixed and stored in the fridge up to two days ahead, or frozen for three months. For frozen loaves, defrost in fridge for a full 24 hours before cooking.
Servings: 6-8 from the loaf. Leftovers freeze very well.
Sides: Mashed potatoes, and green beans or other veg.
Ingredients
3/4 cup roughly chopped onion
3/4 cup finely chopped green onion
1/2 cup roughly chopped celery
1/2 cup roughly chopped carrot
1/4 cup roughly chopped green pepper
1/4 cup roughly chopped sweet red pepper
3 or 4 cloves of garlic, pressed with garlic press
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 tsp chicken stock powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1-1/2 Tbsp unflavoured gelatin (about two packets)
1/2 cup half and half (10% milkfat)
1/2 cup ketchup
1/2 cup cold water
2 pounds regular or lean ground beef (907 g)
12 oz lean ground pork (340 g)
3 eggs, beaten
3/4 cup fine dry bread crumbs
NOTES
If you want less heat, substitute black pepper for the cayenne.
Regular ground beef will give you a slightly juicier result, but either way much of the fat is rendered out and into the pan during baking anyway.
Traditional Sweet-Savoury Glaze
1/2 cup-plus ketchup
1/8 cup packed light brown sugar
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4-1/2 tsp cayenne pepper, depending on heat preference
Preparation
■ Press garlic through garlic press, reserve.
■ Chop onions, carrots, peppers, and celery. This may be done by hand, or with a small food processor. Do not chop too finely.
■ Finely chop entire green onions, base to top.
■ Transfer chopped vegetables, garlic, and green onions to a large pan and saute in the butter on medium-high heat, until vegetables are soft and liquid is largely evaporated, about 10 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool for 5 minutes.
■ In a small bowl, add chicken stock to water. Bloom the gelatin by whisking it into the liquid and letting stand for 2 minutes. Then pour the liquid into the vegetables, mix well, then cool in fridge for 30 minutes.
■ Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Adjust main rack to lower middle position, the second rack below it.
■ After vegetable mixture has cooled in the fridge for 30 minutes, beat the eggs. Reserve.
■ In a large bowl—ideally a stand mixer bowl—combine half-and-half, ketchup, and breadcrumbs, stir to mix or use the mixer’s paddle attachment. Add cayenne, cumin, and nutmeg. Add beaten eggs. Add the cooled vegetable-gelatin mixture. Stir to mix. Add beef and pork. Mix well—either kneading by hand for 5 minutes, or with the standing mixer’s paddle for 2 to 5 minutes. The longer the mix the more firm the loaf. Anything over 5 minutes by machine will likely be too chewy.
■ At this point the mixture may optionally be taste-tested for seasoning. Take a small amount to form a tiny patty and microwave it on high until fully cooked, about 15 seconds. Or saute it in a small frypan. Adjust seasonings if needed.
■ Press mixture into a 9 x 5-inch loaf pan, preferably non-stick metal rather than heavy glass, which we are going to use as a mold. Wrap the pan generously in aluminum foil, including down the sides. (Loaf may be stored in the refrigerator for up to two days tightly sealed. Note that cooking time will increase if later moving directly from fridge to oven.) Now a trick to ensure an even, all-over crust. Turn the loaf pan upside down on a rimmed roasting pan, then unfold and peel back the foil and spread it out to catch liquid and make clean-up easier later. Leave the loaf pan on top of the meatloaf for now.
■ There will be enough mix left over to make mini meatloaf muffins. Place the muffin tray under the meatloaf rack. Alternately, roll into meatballs and place on a second rimmed baking sheet. Muffins/meatballs take only 20 minutes to cook, depending on size, so set your timer accordingly. Using a meat thermometer, check for doneness to 155-160 F. Remove and let cool before storing for up to three days in the fridge, or freeze and nuke at your leisure for quick snacks anytime.
■ Bake the loaf for 30 minutes to set its shape. Remove baking sheet from oven and cautiously remove the loaf pan by levering it up and away from the loaf. Do this carefully! First, it’s easy to burn yourself, second it’s also easy to break off a piece of the loaf if you rush. This now exposes the entire loaf to the heat, and avoids the meat cooking in its own rendered fat inside the loaf pan. Return loaf to oven and cook an additional 20 minutes, then start checking the meatloaf’s internal temperature every 5 to 10 minutes until it reaches 140 degrees.
■ Make the glaze while the meatloaf is baking. In a small saucepan, combine the ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar, and cayenne. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until the sugar is melted and the glaze is smooth and slightly to moderately thickened, around three minutes. Remove and reserve.
■ Once the loaf reaches 140 degrees, remove from oven. Boost the temperature to 500 degrees. Coat the top and sides of the meatloaf with the glaze. Return loaf to oven and start checking internal temperature at 10 minutes. Continue cooking until temperature reaches 155 degrees, which will happen quickly, at which point remove from the oven and let rest for at least 20 minutes before slicing. The internal temperature will continue to rise during this time.
■ Slice and serve with your sides, and marvel at how such modest ingredients combine to make such a magnificent meal.
